I've received emails from people I've never ever met in my entire life, yet they have opened up their hearts to me and I feel so blessed by their honesty and humility. I can't sleep because I'm still fighting my jet lag, so I thought this would be the perfect time to write an open letter to all of you out there who may be going through a rough time. I feel sorry for taking forever to write a decent post about this..but the time I spent alone in the past month made me compose all my thoughts and today I have this burning desire to share it with everyone. Are you ready for the emo volcano that's about to explode?? Ngayon lang ako magiging senti, consider this a historical event! Mark it!
I may be a kengkoy goofball on most days, but I've had my share of disappointments and heartaches too like most of you. I do thank the Lord though for giving me my humor (whether it's good humor or corny humor, that my dear readers is for you to decide!)..it has become my personal coping mechanism. My friends are always puzzled by this and they just think I'm weird..hehehe. I guess I'm built this way. :) But I admit, I've had those dark days in the past also..when you can't even find the strength to muster a decent smile..or when you feel like laying in bed to be alone with your thoughts all day..NO chocolate bar could make me happy..kahit Lindt Pistachio pa! Yes, it was that BAD. But it was during this time of emotional emptiness that I found myself slowly being filled with God's love and grace. You see, I was never really religious and for some time my faith took the backseat, yet even though I was so unfaithful to God..HE remained steadfast and faithful to me. Now, I ask you..how can you NOT love a God like that?!
I always try to remain grateful. I find that this humility is what you need to make you enjoy life more. I look at my life now and I say THANK YOU to the BIG MAN up there for every little thing. I look at my ulam and I say THANK YOU dahil masarap at walang kamatis! I look at my legs in the morning and say THANK YOU dahil gumana yung Off lotion at hindi ako kinagat ng lamok kagabi. I look at my parents and I say THANK YOU for making them happily in love after all these years. I look at Ateneo and say THANK YOU for making it the BEST school! Hahaha! (Ateneo haters, whattup?!) I look at my best friends and I say THANK YOU for making them talk some sense into me pag medyo tinotopak ako. I look at this fella with a scruffy beard and a baseball cap and I say THANK YOU that God has good taste, hahaha!
I know it seems odd to be thankful when your whole world is crumbling down, but give it a try..you will find that there will always be MORE things to be grateful for. This conscious effort to be more grateful started exactly 3 days after our first date. We barely knew each other, still in our pa-cute phase kung saan pinopormahan palang nya ako at nagpapakipot pa ako kuno..hehehe. I already knew from the start that I liked him, but I was still guarding my heart because I was deeply hurt in the past.. I wanted to make sure I was giving my heart to someone who would really take care of it this time. While talking on the phone, we just randomly decided to end our conversation with a short prayer before hitting the sack. So we did. It was awkward at first because I never REALLY prayed with anyone else (well, except my folks..and this was when I was still a little girl!) but it felt good. The following night, before we said our goodbyes..we prayed again. And we've been praying together every night since then. Kahit magkagalit kami, we still stick to our promise and pray..and thank God for each other kahit may konting kurot ng tampo! Ang hirap, tsong! Hahaha! But surprisingly after we pray, nawawala na yung tampuhan namin :) Our prayers are really simple and honestly, very mundane. But I guess that's how God wants it. And it's one of my favorite activities ever! Some of you may think it's corny, but that's how we roll. hehehe :)
I'm not one to impose my beliefs on anyone..you are entitled to your own opinion and free to worship or to not worship as you please. Maybe you don't believe in the church as an institution and maybe you have something far more logical to throw at me..that's perfectly fine. Hey, I catch your drift.. religion COULD BE the opium of the masses. But I'm not talking about religion, I'm talking about FAITH. Maybe I've been drinking the kool aid and have gone completely bonkers here, but I'd like to believe that this is real. When you've fallen in love with God, there really is no way you can deny it! It's just way too personal for you to even question.It's still an ongoing process for me.. I'm a work in progress. I have a looooooong way to go! Ang dami ko pang kailangan ayusin sa sarili ko. Sometimes I worry that I'm far too jaded and damaged to be loved by God, but you know what...he's a God of second, third, fourth chances and will take you in any shape and condition!:) So allow him to surprise you and sweep you off your feet.
Let me leave you with this song by Robin. He wrote this song for his cousin and a dear friend of mine, Michelle :) I hope this song speaks to your heart too. :)