Emo Post of The Week

Sexy Toes in Bed

Last night (like all the other nights before) I was in severe pain. I kept tossing and turning trying to find a position that would bring me relief but to no avail. The pain of my wound hits me worst at night (for some odd reason, I'm perfectly fine during the day) and aside from the physical discomfort--it really takes a toll on me emotionally. This is when Patrick usually comes to my bedside and strokes my hand, lulling me to sleep while praying for me on my behalf. Sometimes when you're just in so much pain, even praying is so hard to do, so it's good to have your husband to do the praying for you. Parang SUB lang :)

I kept chanting repeatedly in my head "Lord, just let me sleep so I can wake up happy tomorrow. Lord, just let me sleep so I can wake up happy tomorrow." And in the middle of my chants (and desperate pleas), I found myself thanking God through the pain. It just hit me that I was in this exact same bed, staring up the exact same ceiling, also with tearful eyes years ago after a very painful break up. I was in so much emotional pain then that my body was aching as well. And I was also chanting night after night "Lord, just let me sleep..because I don't want to wake up to face tomorrow". I'm just in awe of how my life is so different today, all by God's grace. Back then, I had no reason to get up in the morning..which is the COMPLETE opposite of where I am today. All I want to do is get better, all I want to do is get out of bed to hug my husband and to live the life God designed just for me. I can honestly say that sadness is worse than any body ailment. I would much rather sleep with a broken body than a broken spirit ANY DAY. Break my bones, tear off my muscles, just don't kill my SPIRIT. So that's what I am grateful for today, that although I'm physically damaged as of now---I have never felt more whole emotionally in my life. God has kept my spirit strong and intact and he continues to work in me everyday!

The doctor took out the bandage of my wound today. I have a scar, a long line which is a stern reminder of this whole incident. A lot of people say it's like a proud badge on my body to declare how strong I was. Sure, that sounds so ideal but in reality, it can be a cause for insecurity for most people---at kasama na ako dun. I stared at my body in the bathroom and started weeping. I felt UGLY. I've always had a very healthy body image and I've always loved the way I looked--but today, seeing my wound put me at an all time low. Patrick caught me crying and just hugged me tight. He called me BEAUTIFUL. And though it might take a while for me to believe it for myself, I know I will have to rely on his words for now. It sounds shallow but I've even added this to my prayer requests, for God to make me feel pretty all over again. :) Beauty really comes from within---and this certainly rings true for me now more than ever! I am determined to snap out of this little phase soon and work on being happy about my new "beauty mark"! Kaya 'to! :)

The doctor has put me on "house arrest" for another 3 weeks so it looks like we will be squatting at my parents' place a bit longer. She says it's best for me to just stay home and let my insides recover fully especially since I did have major surgery in the most delicate part of my body--and though half of me wants to rebel against her orders, I know she just wants what's best for me and so I will be a good and obedient patient. I'm walking faster these days (not anymore like a sloth--more like a penguin!) and I'm finding ways to be productive even in bed. 

I promise to bring you a lot of fun blog entries in the coming weeks and to make things as interactive as possible despite my condition. I hope you will stick with me and bear with me guys!:) 

33 comments:

Vera said...

You have DVDs and books lined up for your house arrest? :)

Anonymous said...

Hi patty. I pray na gumaling ka na agad. Years ago, naoperahan din ako. Pero unlike you, appendix ko lang ang tinanggal. However, it also left a diagonal line at the right side of my tummy. Although, my surgeon did a great job of not making the line so obvious, at hindi sya mukhang caterpillar, just the same, meron pa rin.

Back then, ang nasa isip ko, pano na ko magsusuot ng swim suit? Ang babaw nga naman pero ganun pag dyosa nga. Anyway, to cut the story short, magfefade din naman kahit pano ang peklat. And, for a very beautiful and kind woman like you, that's a beauty mark. :) I pray you gain back your confidence soon. You keep me inspired. God bless us.

Celai Marcelo said...

God speaks a universal language, I know that all of us are in different situations but He communicates His words to our longings and gives comfort.

Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight - 1 Peter 3:3-4

God bless and get well soon Ms. Patty :)

leel said...

Praying for your speedy recovery, Patty. So sweet of Patrick to reassure you that you're still beautiful beyond those scars.

Try applying Contractubex for your scar. It does wonders :)

Anonymous said...

Don't be sad na Ms. Patty... You are still beautiful no matter what. You are right, it is just the body. And besides, the scar will always be covered naman with your clothes so that's one of the things you should be thankful for. Eventually it will be healed and di na masyado noticeable. There's also a certain ointment for the scar to disappear. Ako nga merong scar in my throat from a goiter surgery. Pero i forgot sometimes na i have it :) It doesn't bother me at all. I still feel pretty pa naman even with that :) Be well!

Len said...

I was teary eyed reading your blog. But I admire you for looking at the brighter side of things :) You are a survivor! Clap,clap for you :)

Anonymous said...

i think i'm blessed to have read your entry just now even though i've been an avid reader of your blog. I'm going through such a painful phase of my life now and like you, I also find myself praying every night "Lord, just let me sleep..because I don't want to wake up to face tomorrow". It give me hope that like you, soon, everything will be okay and much more better. Thank you for a very inspiring entry! keep it up!

Genevive said...

hi Patty, been your silent follower .. first time to comment. Shy lang hehe... :D i can relate kasi nang bonggang bongga kaya i cant help it.... i just said this the other day in my blog: "Lord, give me anything, I will take it. But whatever it is, just make sure that you make me handle it with a happy disposition" (this particular post:http://scrappingcrazy.blogspot.sg/2013/02/diaper-cake-makes-me-happy.html) as if naman u have time to visit hehe... get well soon. Stay strong and keep inspiring many... Hugs from Singapore :)

Lisa said...

hi patty! can totally relate because i had a similar surgery years ago; i now have a long scar across my belly.

the first thing that came into my mind when they said that i have to go under was "pano na ako magbi-bikini?!" it wasn't that i was concerned more about how i look; i think it was my way of making the situation "lighter" than what it really was. weird humor defense mode, i guess.

to cut the story short, i came home healthy, but for some weird reason, i wasn't concerned about my scar (although cleaning the wound myself was kinda gross :p). i was even somewhat proud of my "battle scar" and showed it to people (much to their disgust, haha).

in the end, knowing you survived an ordeal like that is enough to remind you that God is good.

i wore a bikini the next time i went to the beach and no cover-ups! people may stare but they don't really care, so why should you, right? wear it with pride.

just wanted to share with you my story so you'll know you're not alone. :)

and oh, use Contractubex to lighten the scar.

Jezza said...

I am praying for your full recovery Patty. :)

francineangel said...

Hoping for your speedy recovery. One day you will get to laugh at the experience of feeling pain while you laughed or coughed. You will remember it but not the pain anymore.

Aldwin said...

Hi Miss Patty, I'm not really into putting comments on blogs that I read but I just want to let you know I am an avid follower of your stories, experiences, travel and even your love story. =) Before I start my work, it is part of my routine to check your blog and get inspirations and powerful thoughts.

The reason why I decided to post is because I can totally relate how you feel about your scar. I have one and it’s a lifetime. I had an operation, before and after 1 year old. It was needed for me to walk. It kept on haunting me, 1989 so what we are going to expect on the technology hehehehe. Ang pangit talaga nung kinalabasan nung tahi. I grew up with full confidence to myself but when I was totally exposed how the people thinks, it drastically ate me as a person. Akala ko talaga monster ako and hindi naging madali na tanggapin that I am different. Hindi ako makapagsuot ng short and piling sapatos lang pwede kong gamitin. I need to even wear multiple socks just to use slip on shoes. I tried to showed this scar, in public, and guess what? I just ended insecure, unloved and unaccepted. Imbis na tumingin sila sa mukha ko sa paa ko sila nakatitig and when you see their reaction, it just swiftly kills my heart, parang may multiple double bladed arrows ang hinahagis sa akin.

It was not an easy journey for me before I totally accepted what I have. Ang daming bible verses ang kinapitan ko to convince myself that I am loved and accepted. Kahit ngayon, paminsanminsan may kurot parin sa puso whenever I see reactions from people. But I know God
did this on His own special purpose. Jeremiah 29:11. It is a gift and I know it is so extraordinary, because I have it out of His love. Yes there is a scar, na kahit contractubex hindi kayang tanggalin, but I am thankful because of that scar I can walk and enjoy life. Sabi nga ni Alessa on one of her stamp creations there is beauty in imperfection. We are beautifully imperfect. (ok na gamitin yung beautiful sa lalaki sabi nga ni Janno “pinakamagandang lalaki” LOL)

Keep on posting! Get well soon!

R. Joy de Leon said...

Get well soon, Mrs Patty! We all have to go through something not-so-ideal every once in a while..and that makes life more exciting, pero minsan nasasabi ko, kung pwede sana boring na lang noh? hehe! sa daming inspirational quotes, sayings, proverbs, etc I know pag sad, sad talaga..at mahirap when we face our challenges/cross. But I know you will get through it because of your faith and the love of the people around you lalo na of your gwapo hubby. ;)

And hope you'll feel beautiful na ulit soon (like now na! :)) because you are beautiful, inside and out. :) crush nga kita eh! lol! (pero girl ako ha? hehe!)

God bless po!

Anonymous said...

i almost teared up patty.
you are what patrick says, beautiful. inside and out. God bless.

ellaine said...

hi patty. i'm an avid follower of your blog, and your life din. hehe. :) i'm amazed that you still find time to blog despite your present condition. it's so sweet of you to still think of your blog readers. i hope and pray that you get back to your healthy self soon. i feel blessed reading your entry, and find myself in awe at how you remain positive throughout your ordeal. i pray for you, your sweet husband, and your family. thank you for always making your blog readers smile, laugh, cry, and feel blessed. hope i get to meet you someday. i'm a silent follower, at ngayon lang ako nagcomment ng ganito kahaba. hehe. hope you get well real soon. :)

evaheartrn said...

Hi Patty,
i totally understand how you feel.it happened to me 6 years ago when i had my appendectomy done here in the US. i just arrived then for work & i don't know anyone yet. you are so lucky that you have your husband & family with you in this difficult time.. all i did back then was to pray to God to make me a stronger person coz i have to deal with all the pain just by myself. after 6 years i realized & proved that i became a stronger person, kahit ano pa dumating i'm sure kakayanin ko na especially i know that God never leaves my side.He is my bestfriend, someone i talk to when everyone is not available.just stay strong & look forward to the best life ahead of you and not on the scar that will be a forever proof of how strong you become and just a physical scar that made your soul more beautiful.. i will be praying for your body & soul's speedy recovery ;) God bles you always, Patty!

agnes said...

You are such an inspiration! Kaya mo yan, Patty! And believe your husband, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! With or without a scar, YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL! You're a sprinkle of sunshine to my day and now that I'm also married, you & Patrick also brings sunshine to my husband's life. That's how BEAUTIFUL you are. :) Get well soon so you can make rampa again! :) GOD BLESS!

Patty Laurel said...

Thank you for all your love letters guys!!!! This is exactly what i needed this morning!

eypolapol said...

Hi Patty! I also went through the same when I gave birth through CS. I always thought it wasn't a major operation but it is a major operation. What happened with me was an emergency CS unlike you that you were able to prepare for it. It was so painful when the effect of the anesthesia went off. The nurses said that to recover faster I have to keep walking. You might wanna try that and also cold weather can make the wound hurt. If you are in an air-conditioned room every night that might be the reason why it gets painful every night.

With regards to the wound, it's new that's why it looks ugly but as they say all wounds heal literally but it leaves a scar, I know. There are creams, ointments and procedures that you can use to lighten the scar. By using cocoa butter on my tummy everyday my scar look like a linea negra na lang.

Women have strong tolerance with pain and you are a strong woman. I know you'll get through it. God won't give you something that you can't handle. May the Lord's healing be upon you.

P.S. You are still beautiful no matter what. I'm a big fan of your smile.

Kristine Suin said...

It only shows that you are stronger than you thought you were. Your faith remained intact even after what you went through and that makes you an even better person. God Bless you!

Anonymous said...

Hey Beautiful :D .. Your an angel sent by by God to inspire many readers and im one of them.. Just want to share that, same here i've been under medication for 7 months now. When i get married i found out that im suffering from PCOS, meaning it would be difficult for me to conceive, but im praying to the Lord to give me strength and overcome all of this. I have pills for my period, meds for my ovulation and folic as my vitamins... Well God do hear our prayers :D

Love you Patty :)

Pretticel :D

Anonymous said...

I love you, Patty. Hindi man ako nakarelate sa experiences mo, I know you're a beautiful person. I hope your light never goes out :)

Marie Chang said...

That's the role of our husband.. when i can't pray.. he's the one praying for me.. will include you also in our prayers.. yes, we really don't know each other but somehow it encourages us when we know someone is praying for us.. and we know we have a "BIG GOD" who listens.. keep on living the faith :)

diane said...

i just want to share w/ you one of my favorite qoute:

"did you know that the darkest time of the day is the minute before sunrise?so when you feel you're at the darkest moment of your life, remember that sunrise is just a minute away."

you still look beautiful celebrity endorser in your kalookies post! :)

Jem said...

Hi Ate Patty. I've been your stalker, no, not the scary type, for almost a year now. And I love you for being just you on every post you have. And this "emo post" have proven na tao ka din just like everyone of us. I've been on the same situation you have, I was 13 years old when I undergone an operation to remove my appendicitis, it took 5 different doctors to trace that its appendicitis. Healing was the most crucial part of it, I was house-arrested too for 2 months, I was crying 'coz I want to go to school and live a normal life. But God's plan is better than what we have for ourselves. I was house arrested so I can appreciate my mom and my brothers, and to know the real meaning of rest. God wants you to rest. Remember, His ways are not our ways. Keep on trusting him! After your recovery, there will be days that the wound will hurt again 'coz of the cold weather, you're not allowed to carry heavy stuffs and for my case, the doctor told me to stop swimming, during that time I was a varsity in our school and that really broke my heart. But the mark, our "beauty mark" will be a reminder of God's faithfulness in our lives. Love you! Praying for your fast recovery. :) *huuuuug*

Jeremiah 29:11 ♥♥♥

Anonymous said...

Aww! This post made me cry. You are pretty Patty. (didn't intend to make that rhyme) Hihi. I will be praying for your fast recovery. Lift all your worries to the Lord. He sure makes beautiful things and that include you. God bless! - Lexi

Anonymous said...

i also had it, twice. First, ectopic pregnancy and after two years, i gave birth via cs, and not only that, they remove my ovaries as well due to complications while giving birth. We plan to have at least 2 kids, pero hindi na pwede, isa na lang talaga. they told me about it a month after the operation so i wouldn't feel devastated, but i was! i cried so much, but my baby, she's always a beautiful reminder of how God works in my life, she can be taken away too when i gave birth, but the Lord gave her to me, and very healthy too..isn't He just so faithful in His promises?

BTW, i just discovered your blog for a week now, and addict na ko, hehe, i like you na sa morning show pa lang dati with bam aquino and the rest, i like you even more now. God bless!

Anonymous said...

Hello Patty.

I rarely comment nowadays, but I really like reading your blog.

Just wanted to say I hope you feel better soon and keep on writing.

Kim Olarte said...

You Do Have Such The Cutest Red Toes In Bed .... wink * ..... Awesome Stuffs!..... Active Reader & Supporter....

x0x0
Kimmy

Anonymous said...

You are such an inspiration, Ms. Patty. :) I've been following your blog for quite a while now. You are one of my role models in life :) Just like you, I'm an aspiring preschool teacher! :) And just like the others, I'm one of your avid followers who rarely comment on your posts. But now I just can't help to finally say something to you. GRABE KA TALAGA! :) Siguro noong nagsabog ng positivity and optimism si Lord, sinalo mo lahat! :)

Right now, I'm experiencing the emotional struggle of a break up, the same thing you have experienced years ago. But seeing you right now gives me high hopes in life, That I can be whole again through God's grace and time. :) God has made you a strong woman, kaya yang physical damages na yan, maning-mani na yan sayo!! :) Kaya mo yan Ms. Patty. :)

Weeks ago, you have posted about Rick Warren's Purpose Driven Life. I've read that book, too:) And I believe you are already fulfilling God's purposes for you. :) Being an inspiration to a lot of people :) There was a chapter there about pain, I think it's Day 25 :) Try re-reading it. :)

I'll be praying for your fast recovery! :) God bless! :)

i am certified said...

Arrrghh!! just a tearjecker post :( I pray to God to heal you, and may you keep your faith up high! Blessed you Mrs. Filart! :)

Rachel Lim said...

I am inspired by this blog post :') I am amazed how God uses trials to be a great example of His faithfulness. Praise God that you are a strong woman and you always look up to our Father in Heaven :) continue being a good testimony through your blogs :)

Anonymous said...

We love you Patty!!!

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