Prepping for Next Week

In a few days I will be wearing my hospital gown and desperately trying to make it as fashionable as possible---which of course I will discover after 3 attempts, there is only 1 way to wear a hospital gown and "fashionable", "stylish", or "chic" are not words you would use to describe it. They should just call it hospital cover-up or hospital apron, somehow GOWN is just too fabulous of a word to be sitting next to HOSPITAL. Like "Ball Gown" (ooohhh!) or "Evening Gown" (wooow) sabay---hospital gown (anyare sa yo?!). 
I'm checking in on Monday--notice that I used the term "checking in" instead of "being admitted" just so I can convince myself that I'm just going to a hotel! That's right, I'm checking into my suite with white walls, girls in white dresses and "room service" served in a gray tray with compartments.  And my surgery will be on Tuesday at 8AM.

Ok. I'm nervous. I've been nervous, scared, worried, anxious for weeks now ever since I got the doctor's diagnosis. I've never been hospitalized my entire life. NEVER. I was born in a hospital and that's about it, as far as I'm concerned. So this will be my first experience as an in-patient. I don't want to go into specifics but just to give you an idea, I'm having a very sensitive procedure done that involves my ovaries. I have an uninvited guest, an informal settler, someone who should not be there but somehow found his way in...and my bouncers (doctors) need to get this dude out of my club! Didn't you see the sign buddy, NO LOSERS ALLOWED! Alis!! hehehe!:)  

As a woman who loves kids and who would like to to have kids of her own someday, this is more than just a "procedure", this is really a crossroad in my life (and also the life of my husband). I'm ashamed to admit it but I've turned into one of those "pray harder when your life gets harder" kind of people. Brought about by my human frailty and my own weakness in understanding how God works, my prayers have gone from 1)DESPERATE PLEADING: "Please Loooooordddddd....don't do this to meeee...di ko kaya..." to 2)BARGAINING: "Lord, if you heal me I promise not to eat chocolates anymore----and I won't murder cockroaches in broad daylight anymore. I don't know why you created them, but sige na...di na ako papatay ng ipis!!!!" to 3)WHY ME LORDing: "Why me Lord?!?! WHY?!?!!? I'm such a nice person..well at least 35% of the time..BUT STILL?! Why me!?!?!?". I still catch myself praying like 1,2 and 3 especially when I'm feeling really down, but lately, thanks to the help of my prayer partner Patrick, I've been TRYING my best to PRAY with a listening heart. TRYING is the operative word, needs improvement pa ito. Sometimes we pray to ASK for something we feel is BEST for us and no matter how good/noble/righteous those intentions are, hindi natin masasabi talaga kung ano ang "BEST" ng Panginoon para sa atin. 

I always find myself going back to Thessalonians 5:18, which says "In Everyting, GIVE THANKS for this is God's will for you." Hayyy, this verse sometimes feels like an oxymoron when you're faced with something so REAL and DIFFICULT. But that's what it says, we need to thank GOD no matter what. I am reminded of that time Patrick and I ate in this crappy restaurant and he ordered Tuna Sisig. When the waitress served him, it looked like a pile of gunk---cat food would actually look much more appetizing. So Pat and I were laughing hysterically (but quietly so as not to offend the waitress) so pigil na pigil yung tawa namin tapos we bowed our heads and Pat goes "Lord...*controlled laughter*...THANK YOU????" hehehehe! So as difficult as this may be, I am choosing the more positive route! Here are 5 Things to Be Grateful for :)

#5 NEW PAJAMAS
Patrick gave me an allowance to go "nice pantulog" shopping. If you recall my pantulog descriptions in the past, let's just say they are...presko (sa dami ng butas???)..and not exactly for public viewing. So I was able to convince Pat to give me a bit of money so I can buy decent looking pajamas for me to wear during recovery! Sabi ko baka may biglang bumisita sa kin, kakahiya naman kung butas-butas na tshirt yung suot ko diba?!?! HAHAHA! I got home from SM and had a pantulog fashion show. Pat kept laughing at one particular nighty that had pink hearts all over it---mukha daw akong gradeschool! HELLO!! HEARTS!! VALENTINES!?!? Kailangan nasa theme ako noh?!!??!

#4 EARLY DETECTION
I'd like to thank my circle of mommy friends headed by Cecil, Stella and Sheila for encouraging me to have myself checked by an OB GYNE. I hate having check ups, I'm lazy like that. I had no symptoms whatsoever prior to my check up, I just went to the doctor on a random weekday afternoon and wow, all our big plans for the year changed overnight after just one ultrasound! We went to 3 different doctors, all with the same findings.  It was sad ticking off a lot of things on our list and having to pull out our savings and allot it for the medical bills. BUT, I am grateful that we found out EARLY about this condition and that we were able to find a SOLUTION for it right away! My doc has been very reassuring and comforting, it seems to be something she's dealt with several times before so I feel confident that I'm in good hands. According to her I will be back to normal self in a few weeks if my body cooperates with me :) 

#3 PEOPLE GET TO FUSS OVER ME (and by people, I mean Patrick.)
Not that I like being sick, but I DO LOVE the undivided attention I've been getting from my husband lately. I like poking him in the middle of the night "Paaaaat....can you get me a bowl of ice cream downstairs please...." and when he hesitates I just pull out the "I'm going through a very rough time" card and even if he knows it's all drama, he just indulges me because it amuses him! Hehehe! I'm so grateful for my husband's heart to serve :)

I remember when I was in high school, I was a nerd (but not the losery nerd type ha!!! I was the nerd who thought she wasn't a losery nerd but a cool nerd...oh wait, did I just self contradict myself??! Yep.) and I would envy my jock classmates who would get injured because everyone would fuss over them. It was soooooo cool back then to have an arm cast and walking with crutches made you 10x hotter for some reason because it made you a LEGIT athlete because you had a sports injury to prove it! Gusto ko tuloy ma-injure din para lang sikat ako!!! Of course now I do realize that it was such a stupid juvenile fantasy of mine. Now that I am in this "not so ideal situation" I realize how important it is to STAY HEALTHY and do all you possibly can to be in tip top shape!!!

#2 I GET TO CELEBRATE VALENTINES DAY IN A HOSPITAL BED!!!
Woo. Pee. Doo. How. Exciting. Really. I am so happy. This is not a frown. It's a smile that just happens to be upside down. Tears? These are tears of joy. OKKKKAAAAYYYYY. I am totally and absolutely bummed about this!!!! I still need to figure this one out---but hey, it says we NEED TO GIVE THANKS IN EVERYTHING. EVERY. THING. So even if I don't understand why God would want me confined in a hospital on one of my favorite occasions ever----eating hospital jello instead of a fat juicy steak in a fine dining restaurant---I know there's a reason for all this and I just have to trust HIM :)

#1 I WILL BE ABLE TO PROVE TO MYSELF THAT I'M NOT A WEAKAZOID AFTER ALL
Just reading about the surgery and the things to expect has left me feeling weak in the knees, queasy and terrified of all the 10,000 what ifs. Pat always reminds me to stop worrying, but it's become a hobby for me!!! hehehe! It's like Facebooking, I can't STOP myself from reading those annoying FB statuses from those people I've been dying to delete from my friends list...and I can't NOT worry. 

But after talking to my friends who have gone through things that are 10X worse than what I'm about to go through, napapahiya ako! Here I am whining like a little kerokeropi about something that is completely manageable and under control. When I think about it, I should be thankful that ito lang ang problema ko---and that it could've been much worse but God was faithful in protecting me from greater harm. Here's a perfect opportunity for me to witness God's amazing power on my body first hand---I will be a living testament of it! So I gotta think positive, be proactive and challenge myself to overcome all my fears. Kaya ko 'to!!!!!

So there, I hope to add to this list in the coming days. I've received a lot of love letters from you guys, all filled with love and genuine concern. I do appreciate each and every one of those letters and I'm also so glad that you've been sensitive enough not to pry too much :) As much as I want to open up to you guys (in hopes of inspiring those who also may be going through a rough time now), I would like to keep some things private as it may take time for me and Patrick to process all of this :) But thank you for including us in your prayers :) 

53 comments:

maefromheaven said...

Praying for you... :)

Kessa Thea Peralta said...

Patty, I admire your outlook in life. You are just so positive. You will be in my prayers.

Hugs,
Kessa

Anonymous said...

I will include you in my prayers. I know everything will be ok. Be strong Ms Patty.

~ ais

Jm said...

Good morning Patty!

You know what, after reading this verrrryyy looooong blog post, I can say (with lots of comma), YOU INSPIRE ME.

You may not know me personally, but I'm an avid reader of your long posts because I always see myself laughing and smiling with all your happy and funny adventures. THANK YOU for sharing your life with us, your readers. Hindi mo siguro alam, you are also sharing your happiness and energy. Thank you!

Don't fret because you're in our prayers. Be thankful because there are a lot of people who prays for you and loves you genuinely.

May you continue to inspire others and spread happiness all over! :)
I wish you the best, always Patty!
GOD BLESS!

anecoronel said...

GOodmorning patty i want u to know that were here always for you (teary eyed) . Kaya mo yan pat.. God is with you always

Jenny Austria said...

i think i know your diagnosis because my friend also has something to do with her ovaries when she got her procedure done.
hopefully you will be healed soon. godbless you and pat.

Arya De Guzman said...

a procedure??? hope everything will be fine

Anonymous said...

Hi Ms.Patty! I'm 23 and just last November I had my first surgery, first (or second since I was born in the hospital too) confinement too. I don't know if we have the same case but mine were about ovarian cysts, yes its plural cos I had them in both of my ovaries. I had them removed through "laparoscopic" surgery, confined on a Monday afternoon for some procedures, surgery on Tuesday and out eating Chinese food in Binondo by Thursday! Its okay to worry, I worried too much too when I was waiting for the 'judgement day', I was even shaking while lying on the operating table. Anxiety. After all the procedures, I realized I had nothing to worry pala. Based on your blog posts, I think you're stronger than me Ms.Patty! God bless :)

Berto and Kwala said...

Sending you happy and healing vibes... Hope everything turns out ok patty.

Kwala

purpel said...

prayers for a safe operation Ms. Pat!

drei delos santos said...

Prayers and love to the lovely couple!:)

Goodluck with the surgery and hoping for your fast recovery! :)

Sharon said...

I'm praying for you Patty! Be strong and you will be very very ok :)

Ji said...

Praying for you. Romans 8:28 God bless!

Marie Chang said...

Prayer for you Patty.. I've have had many surgeries in my life,.. im always scared but get through of it.. Glad we have husbands whom we can lean on and BIG GOD whom we ca put our trust..

Hoping for your fast recovery!!

shannon said...

love and prayers for you patty,
just be strong and keep your faith, always remember GOD is always with you. he will ease your pain and he'll make you smile!


Gracee said...

Will pray for you Patty! Thanks for inspiring us even you are in a difficult situation. We are your prayer warriors so don't worry too much.God bless you!

Anonymous said...

Undergoing same ordeal now but i guess differeny procedure.it is really a test of character, strength and faith in god:god bless!

lori said...

praying for your healing and fast recovery. it reminded me of my sister's condition. she has PCOS and I will ask her to visit her OB again next wk. thank you for the positive vibes in this post!

Kaye said...

Praying for you. Hope all goes well. God bless!

leel mango said...

Patty, remember that early diagnosis is equals to good prognosis/management :) Praying for your speedy recovery!

Nofy Tendenilla said...

With all the people around you that loves you so much, whatever happens,you'll gonna be fine :) Go girl! Keep your faith in God! :)

Anonymous said...

This post really got me....almost into tears,hiya lang kse daming tao. Going through the same ordeal but unlike you still undecided with the surgery. Thanks for inspiring me though. Good luck on the procedure! Will be praying for you!

K said...

I'm amazed at how you can stay positive with this kind of ordeal, such an inspiration. You're one of a kind, Patty. And you and Pat are so blessed to have each other. Prayers and happy thoughts for you! :) Kaya mo yan, IKAW PA!

francineangel said...

Hi Patty,

Same with you, I had never been admitted to a hospital until the doctors found out that I had an ovarian cyst way back 2006 which had to be operated immediately. I just want to let you know that you're already blessed because you find out about it early.

Everything will be okay. Maybe God is planning to give you a baby this year so you're being prepared for it by ensuring that your body is in perfect shape when that happens.

Take Care!

Lorraine Narciso said...

God will never abandon you prayer. You are a happy person and never missed God for you happiness, this chapter maybe hard and quite unacceptable at the beginning, but thru the pages that we will turn, a happy ending will come...

Claiming for positive outcome patty and patrick!!!

Janna said...

Hi Patty! I had my first surgery last November for endometriosis. My cysts were to be removed by laparoscopy but due to my condition, I ended with a laparotomy. Recovery is taking a long time. I still feel sore up to this day. But the surgery (even the scar on my abdomen) is all worth it. Don't worry too much and remember that you are there to get fixed (enter coldplay's fix you. haha). I hope you get a good music when you enter the operating room. Rihanna was chanting 'shine bright like a diamond' when I got in. Haha. Good luck and God bless. Kayang kaya mo yan!

lelay said...

claim safe surgery in JESUS name, Amen!

annalyn kristel leviste said...

GOD is good Pat :) be strong!

Cj Mendoza said...

Hi Ms. Patty!

I've been an avid reader of your blog because I find your positive outlook in life infectious :)

It touched my heart reading this particular piece since I also went through something similar not long ago.

I went to a gyne for a check up since my period was late for a few months about six months ago. I had an ultrasound and it showed that I have polycystic ovaries (PCOS).

It scared the hell out of me, and reading about it online and how some women failed to have children made me depress and cry for days. It doesn't matter if the chances are small, the probability that I may be one those women hurts so bad.

Like you, I also love children and I also don't think I can survive not having them in the future. I also prayed/bargained with God to change my fate and help me with my condition.

My gyne prescribed me a combo pill (hormones + birth control in one) to help my condition and advised me to return after six months to see if my condition has improved.

I just had my follow up check up a few days ago and I'm overjoyed that my ultrasound results showed that everything is normal, meaning my ovaries are not polycystic anymore :)

I hope my little story will inspire you, Ms. Patty. Also, don't feel too bad whining about it just because other people have something worst. I personally think that reproductive related sickness to women really tend to hit us HARD. We are born to be mothers,and just the thought of not being one will cripple ANY woman.

I really hope that your procedure will go well, Ms Patty. I'll pray for you and your family and may God be with you always.

Your loyal reader,
Cj

Anonymous said...

sending some prayers your way, ms patty! God bless! :-)

Anonymous said...

Nothing to worry about, Ms. Patty! With your strong faith, nothing will be impossible! Everything will be fine and okay!

=)Therese=) said...

I will be praying for you MS. Patty:) We all love you! HUgS!!

Jackie said...

Praying with you and for you, Patty! Have faith and be strong! :)

Anonymous said...

kaya mo yan! sus ikaw pa!

Calcarry said...

Praying for you Ms. Patty!GO GO!We love you!

Anonymous said...

Pat, you really inspire me by being truly positive. Wish I would have carried the same attitude as yours when I got hospitalized. I've been there last year November, undergo surgery, confined for 10days due to endometriosis/chocolate cysts. I'm 27, single, has a bf, but my left ovary and fallopian tube were removed, got adhesions in my intestines and some cysts on my pelvic were also removed. I never thought before that may ovary will be removed. really have a though times considering I have a bf and even think that my bf might leave me due to my condition.. Until now, whenever I saw some tv scenes/movies involving infertility, hospitilization, it really hit me, event got into tears.. im just trying hard to think of happy thoughts. :) the Good news is.. I still have my right ovary left and still hoping that one day.. cyst will not get back anymore (but still has probability).. still dreaming that one day, I too can have baby/babies of my own. P.S. im engaged :) <3 aja to us!

:)

Anonymous said...

You'll be fine Patty! :)

ceej said...

*hugs* to you Patty

mhel said...

You can do it Patty! I can totally relate to how your prayers evolved from nos. 1 to 3 to accepting what God is really planning for you. I guess it's the same for most people. In the end, yes, all we need is to accept God's plan for us. He knows what's best for us and we just have to look at the positive side of things. And it's difficult no. But prayers are our greatest weapon. You can do it! Praying for your fast recovery.

Anonymous said...

Biiiiiigggg Huuuuuggggg Ms. Pat....God will be there to protect and heal you..


We Love you! and We'll pray for you


God Bless

Francoise Alonzo said...

Praying for your fast recovery Pretty Patty =)

Francoise Alonzo said...

Praying for your fast recovery Pretty Patty =)

Anonymous said...

I really admire you. I'll pray for you, Patty! Hugs!

ays said...

Like you, I haven't really checked in a hospital, ever. Just know that your husband is beside you supporting you on this one. Hope you feel better soon!

Anonymous said...

everything happens for a reason. this operation will open a lot of new possibilities for you and your husband. i'll pray for you patty :)

i am certified said...

You are in my prayers dear patty. God bless and stay firm in your faith. God will never fail you.

Azaliah Aguinaldo said...

Prayers for your fast recovery. :-)

geejay f.nepomuceno said...

on tuesday around 8am my prayer will be dedicated for your safe surgery. Will be waiting for your next blog, may GOD be with you

Em Gonzales said...

i'm praying for you. what you're feeling is not alien to me. i've been through the same procedure. your faith will never fail you. can i just say too? no pain during the procedure at all. maybe just a little after the surgery, but that's very bearable. i'm sure, carry mo yun. your positivity radiates & inspires, please keep it up. praying for you & patrick. God bless.:)

karen corpuz said...

awww... Patty. i get you.. thanks for sharing this

Anonymous said...

I got teary eyed after reading all the comments of love and support. I, too, have PCOS and still under medication. Im clueless of what's going to happen next, if i will be cured or if i will be in a continuous medication.. Its really a heart breaking situation especially that my fiancé and i dream of having babies too. AndThe worst part of my ordeal is that my parents and my fiance do not know what i am going through.. I just rely and surrender everything to God, follow my OB, and keep myself healthy as much as i can. Dont worry Ms. Patty, im sure you'll be very ok. You are a great and wonderful person. Thank you for posting this because i was able to gather inspiration, hope and strength again, from you and from your blog readers. The positivity is really contagious! believe that we can surpass this and nothing is impossible with God. :)

Lovella Inumerable said...

Happy vibes and speedy recovery Patty! I am an avid reader coz you are inspiring and optimistic! Take care!

Anonymous said...

I have been through a similar experience (mine involved my fallopian tube) and it has changed me forever. Just like you, was there for checkup only but ended up not leaving and staying for 4 days! Imagine my shock and disbelief.

I was an emotional whacko, sad-scared-worried-accepting-hopeful ,lahat na! Lol Through prayers and love from Husband and family i got through and actually ended up a winner. Coz now i am more appreciative of things,more positive,healthier (trying,always), more in love with my husband and closer to God.

Atm, no baby still (operation approx a yr ago),but im hopeful and i know my time will come. No actually, in Gods time :)

Stay strong and positive,you are not alone :)

M

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