Parenthood is possibly the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to take on in my whole existence—and they say this is just the easy part, I hear it gets tougher as the years pass! Different seasons in parenthood call for new lessons, new challenges and new struggles. I don’t know if I’m completely up for it–we’ll see if we survive stage one first. Baby steps!!! Well meaning people have bombarded me with warnings and I’ve taken them all into consideration. I value and respect each and every tidbit of wisdom from fellow parents, but at the same time, I realized just now that I have to let go of the whole doom and gloom vibe and JUST HAVE FUN! And by fun, I don’t intend to be reckless, lazy or passive as a parent. I will still have the best intentions for my son, but I want to actually enjoy this whole ride. I mean if I’m riding the rollercoaster any way, I might as well throw my hands up in the air and scream out loud—rather than having my hands locked and eyes closed with too much worry and caution. I want to show Theo that being a parent is something I’m excited about, something I ACTUALLY LIKE doing day in and day out. And that even if it’s hard, it won’t matter, I will love being his mom just the same and yes, WE WILL HAVE FUN together.
I don’t have any illusions of becoming the perfect mom. I just see every day as a fresh start, a clean slate. And although somehow you get better at it as time passes, one can never fully figure it out completely. Sure, you can become more aware, more confident, more experienced—but perfection is something you’ll never ever achieve when it comes to parenting. The only perfect parent is GOD, as our FATHER in Heaven 🙂 We’re all just a bunch of wannabes down here. hahaha 🙂 But that’s the beauty of parenting (whether you are a parent biologically or through adoption), parents and children are matched together by GOD because we are each other’s perfectly imperfect partners in life!
This little dumpling just gets me. He really does. He knows exactly when to make me smile at 330AM when I’m dead tired and functioning on auto pilot. He knows how to guide me through foreign territory—giving me cues and signals to help me navigate through something completely new. And yes, as I’ve mentioned, he too like his mama has a sense of humor. He can put me in my place, make me realize things and accept new realities through his humor and impeccable timing. I really believe that he’s not just a blob of cuteness plopped on my bed. He’s a high functioning, fully aware, and intelligent human—capable of eliciting change in our lives in a very purposeful way. Ang galing lang. He’s so tiny but yet already being used as an instrument of God’s will! My son is my teacher. He’s the one who molds and shapes me to become the best mom I can be. Just when I feel like “Oh, I finally have this whole new motherhood gig figured out”, my son surprises me with something like projectile pee, a feeding cue out of schedule, or a cherry red mosquito bite (damn you mosquitoes!!!) to humble me all over again. It’s almost as if he can sense the cockiness, “Ah ganun pala ha!!! BOOM! Eto sa yo!!! Wiwi fountain!!!!” (This is why I have resolved to using a shower cap every time I do nappy changes. Pat calls me Mushroom Head because I look like one when I have it on. Oh the glam life I live!) It makes me start from zero again and shuts me up completely. Patty, you are just at the starting line—-YOU HAVE NO IDEA, missy! Hahaha! It’s true, I have a LOOONG WAY to go.
A lot of people say he’s a very zen baby, a true chillaxer just like his father. And I’ll have to agree, he only cries when he’s in an uncomfortable position, extremely hungry, or when trying to fight his sleepiness. He’s so chill in fact that even with a wet or severely soiled nappy, he can still sleep so soundly! Sometimes when I see his diaper with a mountain of poop, I’m like “Son, seriously?!?” and he just looks at me with his wide eyed “I LOVE LIFE, MOM, I do! I do!!!” face. So yes, we are very lucky to have a son with a very relaxed disposition (for now at least, let’s wait til he turns 13! Dun dun dun dunnnnn) and I can honestly say that 80.1234% of my ability to bounce back to my normal self post-partum is because of this. The remaining 19% is attributed to all the help I’ve been getting from my husband and our “village” and the 1% is obviously because of my innate awesomeness (riiiiggght?!). Come on, I have to give myself at least a peanut of credit! It ain’t easy being a mom!
So this will be my new battle cry, my new mantra for motherhood—I have to be in it for the FUN of it, for the JOY of motherhood. 🙂 After all, this is how God designed parenthood to be. The Lord loves seeing us happy, seeing us fulfilled and satisfied living in the center of HIS will. So I’m going to embrace this blessing and live it out with a big smile on my face, day in and day out!!!
Image above by Mallory Lucille.