So this has been the most exciting and joyful season of our life yet on the same note, admittedly, it has been the most costly one yet!! The bills keep piling and there seems to be a tsunami of things to pay for coming any minute now. EEEPPP. I recall being on the same boat emotionally and financially about 3 years ago when we were planning our wedding and working on our condo at the same time. We were soooooooo in love (still are!), so ATAT to get hitched, ang saya-saya-saya-saya lang talaga namin. But we also took it upon ourselves to take care of all the expenses so we were working like dogs, going overtime, accepting any project we could possibly get just to make sure we would be able to pay for every little thing on our own. We got creative and resourceful—stretching each centavo to it’s maximum capacity and our inherited kuripotness (thanks to our respective dads) blossomed overnight, hahaha. We stayed true to our pegged budget for both the condo and our wedding, even if it meant letting go of some luxuries here and there. We promised each other that we would start our marriage properly, free from debt and any other misconceptions. In this season of making ends meet, literally, we learned to appreciate the kindness and generosity of friends and family who somehow filled the gaps for us. We didn’t have much in terms of money—-but because of the kindness shown to us during that time of transition, we felt so rich in love! God’s faithfulness was so evident, so tangible, so REAL.
Today, I had a little panic attack which lasted 5 minutes and I had to ask God to help me snap out of it immediately. As my husband always reminds me, worrying doesn’t help one bit—you just have to trust that the Lord put you in that situation for a reason, find a solution and work at it to the best of your ability. Oh, my very sensible and rational husband is really the yin to my crazy yang.
In the past 2 months, Patrick and I have already spent quite a lot on our home renovations, buying new furniture, purchasing things for the baby, setting aside for our son’s education fund and insurance (1 year down and 9 to go! waaahhh ang tagal!), hospital budget for my delivery, acquiring a new helper, etc—these are just THE MAJOR ones on our list of expenses. When you add up all the tiny things like light bulbs, trash cans, hangers, plates, forks and spoons, curtains, doctor’s consultation fees, ultrasounds, new bed sheets, etc etc etc then you can imagine how this has become a monster of expenses all rolled up in one bundle. I am very lucky and happy to be able to work and also contribute in my own way, but I know that the burden really lies on my husband who is the main breadwinner of our home. I am just so thankful that Patrick never shows any resentment, always willing to provide for us out of love and not just because it’s an obligation.
In my 5 minutes of panic over the expenses, I felt God’s grip so firmly on me that I had no choice but to shake off all the doubts and worries that were clouding my thoughts. I stood up, hugged my husband, and realized that YES, EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT. When I hugged Pat, I just felt at peace, knowing that God will be faithful yet again and will show up when we need HIM, because he ALWAYS does. I paused, cleared my head and just thought to myself.. “HEY, YOU ARE LIVING YOUR DREAM LIFE so quit complaining!!!!” You are with a guy who you adore and who adores you back, a man you can be proud of, your family members are all healthy and well, you are finally moving into a beautiful home and you’re going to have a baby!!! How could I even entertain any thoughts of despair, doubt or disappointment, I was so ashamed for allowing myself to worry. All of these quote unquote “problems” are actually just bi-products of the blessings I’ve been receiving. It’s proof that these things given by God are real and are in my life to embrace. The fact that we have to save for my hospital delivery means I am blessed enough to bear a child!!! The fact that I have to worry about curtains in our house, means I have a home with windows to enjoy! The fact that I am exhausted, tired, and stressed because of work means I am blessed to be able to live a life of productivity, to earn my own money and contribute to society. It’s not easy when you’re right smack in the center of the tsunami of problems, but if you just take a step back to see how each issue points to another in a positive way—you’ll have a better understanding of how God has orchestrated all this.
I’ve posted this song on the blog a long time ago, but I just wanted to share this with you again. Maybe you’re having an awesome week or maybe you’re having a weary one..one thing’s for sure though GOD IS GOOD TO YOU, GOD IS GOOD ALL THE TIME 🙂 Hope this songs brings encouragement to you today!