Hi. I’m Junkie. Junkie Pacquiao. Hahahaha.
I’m a consummate snacker. I’m a master snacker, I can snack and type (I’m devouring a bag of Beer Match Cracklings as we speak)..I can snack and drive..heck, I bet you a thousand bucks I could snack and shower. But that would just be too gross..soap sud flavored chips, anyone? Hmm.
My snacking comes in phases. And my snacking phases are obsessive. Some food phases last for days, some weeks, but the best ones last for months!I’ve talked about this previously but just remembered again over a dinner date in Jollibee the other day. I had a peach mango phase which brought me to Jollibee almost every day..then a few weeks later, I had a chicken nuggets phase which let me crossover to the golden arches.
I had a kiamoy phase when I was back in college. It lasted a whole year! My Chinese dorm mate would buy a whole tub of Kiamoy from Quiapo every week and leave it in my room. My tongue would turn numb from the saltiness and my fingertips would always be red. In exchange for the steady supply of kiamoy, I happily served as our dorm janitress and mopped our kitchen floors every other night. All for the love of kiamoy!
I also had a pretty bad hawflakes phase. In fact, it was so bad that my classmates would give me hawflakes for Christmas!! Mukhang hawflakes na kasi ako. I even got into a fight with the cafeteria lady when they raised the price from 75 cents a pop to 2 pesos! I was fuming mad!!! “Kalokohan ‘tong hawflakes inflation ninyo!” I could see in her eyes though that she was quite threatened by my complaint..after all, I was the only person in Ateneo who actually bought hawflakes from her! I was the lone Hawflakes patron in school.
My close friends call me Ms. Salty-Sweet-Salty-Sweet. It’s self-explanatory really but allow me to expound. As soon as I put something sweet in my mouth..I start craving for something salty..then it leads me to something sweet..it’s a never ending, insatiable foodie roller coaster ride. But mind you, I’m a discerning junkie. Hindi ako cheap noh! It’s not like you can just throw me a bag of potato chips and I’ll give in..I know my junk and I am very particular about my snacks. I’m faithful to my favorites and have stood by them through the years. Through the good times and the bad..Naks, long term relationship ba ito?! Well, I’m more of a loyal polygamist..devoted to many. But only when it comes to food..OK! Hahaha! I love food so much that whenever I’m depressed, I head straight to Makati Supermarket. I remember failing my Philo exam and crying in the Imported Chocolates section. I also dealt with my heartaches in the Frozen Goods area. I tell you, I’ve found peace in these aisles.
One of my most intense phases was my Lychee Jelly addiction. It was borderline psycho. I even recall one instance where I was ransacking our kitchen, opening all the cupboards looking for more Lychee Jelly. And suddenly I saw our little old manang, Ate Este who’s been with us since I was 2, wrapping her arms desperately over our pantry closet, shouting “WAGGGG!! Sabi ng Mommy mo hindi na pwede!Naka-ilang packs ka na!” And there I was like a manipulative vampire ready to pounce on my helpless prey..”Ate…hindi naman niya mahahalata noh..sekreto lang natin..dali na, isang pack nalang…” to which she shouts “HINDI TALAGA!!! CHE!” Hahahahaha!!! I love how “CHE” is so Pinoy and so appropriate for certain circumstances. Like how “BAL” (with the rolling eyes and rolling tongue) makes no sense but just makes you sooooo aggravated! Ilang beses na akong napikon sa BAL-BAL-BAL!
Growing up in Magallanes, my sister Daniela and I would save our allowance to buy Nerds at Bad Habit (Shell station Maga). It was 12 pesos per pack back then…extremely pricey back in the day. It would take us a whole week of saving just to get a pack each. So when I started earning my own money, the first thing I did was go to Shell. I bought myself a whole stash of Nerds. I felt like it was the ultimate grown up moment for me! “Hahaha, see world! I’m rich now!!! I can buy all the Nerds i waaaaant!! Mwahahaha”. Dream big, Patty, DREAM BIG!
My love for chocolates deserves a separate post, respeto lang naman. That is a post I need to really prepare myself for..how can you even start writing about the Love of your Life. How can you find the words to say what you truly feel?! Hay, impossible. But allow me to express my undying devotion to this beauty. I’m a snob and a half, I tell you. I hate chocolate posers. And trust me, Ive encountered a lot…those pretending to know their shizz, who act like they eat chocolates all day, blahblahblah..FAKERS!!! I know my chocolates and you cant fool me! When you’ve studied chocolates for years (and by study, I mean LAMON), just like me..you can spot a genuine from a fake a mile away. I remember having an intense chocoholic discussion with my buddy Jinno Rufino one day..as we were exchanging chocolate stories comparing Ritter Sport White with Hazelnuts and Ritter Sport with Cornflakes, I realized that there really is a science and art behind Chocoholicsm. Or maybe it could even become a religion.
Thank God for the Mayans and their cacao. Did you know that they fed chocolates to the virgins before sacrificing them to the gods? What a genius idea. Drunk with chocolates, nice one.
MAYAN PRIEST: “Uy miss, gusto mo ng tsokolate…eto kain ka lang..”
DUMB GIRL: “Wow..thanks..ang sweet mo naman, kuya”
MAYAN PRIEST:”Halika, akyat ka dito..ganda ng view diba…”
DUMB GIRL: “Wow! Ang ganda..sarap magpa-picture taaaaaaaakkkkkiiiiinnnnggggggggg!!!!!”
*Mayan Priest pushes her. She falls into the volcano. Pagan gods happy. No more famine for 9 years.*
Ok, this post just gave me a tummy ache. I seriously need to change my diet and start a healthier lifestyle. *burp*