“Oh to be like You, give all I have just to know You. Jesus, there’s no one besides You. Forever the hope in my heart. “
I’ve been having more and more of these “good-bad” days lately. Days that can’t seem to make up their minds. Days that swing from the far ends of each extreme within hours—from sheer happiness that one cannot contain to utter frustration that one cannot seem to face and then it’s joy joy joy, let’s do cartwheels in the park all over again. It’s dizzying. It’s overwhelming. But I guess this is the colorful life I’ve been destined to live. And I know this series of stark contrasts–of blissful moments and “bakit ba nangyayari ‘to?!?!!?” pits, is all part of the story God is writing for me. That’s why it’s been so hard to write on my blog lately, maybe because LIFE has just been happening and has become BIGGER than ever for me. I’ve just been living and reveling and struggling..it’s really hard to put it down into words. It’s hard to be witty, to be funny, to be entertaining when you’re not even close to figuring things out—parang “eh..ano..well..kasi..” HAHAHA 🙂 See, even this post doesn’t know where it’s headed!!! Gaaaakkkk!
I’ve spent half of this Tuesday in bed, with disheveled hair, swimming in a sea of receipts, bills, checkbooks, tax forms and insurance paperwork. This blog post is actually my “happy break”. Today is very REAL, today is not pretty, it’s quite boring and not instagrammable. But in the realness of it all, sa pagod at hirap ng buhay, is where I see God’s face the most. And his presence becomes so much more felt.
This morning Patrick and I just spent an extra 15 minutes longer in bed, just to hug each other and sing-along to songs on Spotify to entertain our baby in my belly (although with our off key singing, I think lalong nabulabog ang anak namin!). I knew that getting off our bed would mean facing the reality of the day, that I would have to face the 1,000 things on my list and Patrick would have to deal with 10,000 things on his (yes he works three times harder and he’s the one who’s surprisingly more calm!)— and having this little pocket of time, just 15 minutes was really a gift. A gift that I know I shouldn’t take for granted. To know that I’m soldiering on with this fella. And that I have a God who loves me, who loves me so much in fact that he assigned this man to be my kakampi. If you are reading this and are going through a roller coaster day, week, month or year—remember that you are not ALONE. The Lord is walking you through this and he has also sent people to help you along the way! Try to look around you and appreciate the people that the Lord has assigned to soldier on with you: It could be your mom, your dad, your sister, your best friend, your spouse. Whoever it is, thank God for them and be a soldier for them too! 🙂 🙂
I don’t know how many more “good-bad” days I’ll have in the coming months, and frankly, I’m okay with not having a string of perfectly GOOD days too..because that would also be boring and uneventful. I’ve come to realize that more than hoping for the “good days” to come rolling, I should be praying for God’s grace to lead me through these unpredictable ones, that through all the YEYS and BOOOOOs, my understanding of God’s grace in my life would be constant and consistent 🙂