Let’s talk about it.

I’ve never been bullied growing up. Or perhaps I was bullied but I was too naive to ever feel that I was actually being bullied. Hahaha. That’s more likely! I grew up happy in my dorkiness and owned my awkwardness. And I never ever felt the urge to bully someone else, to make another human being’s life miserable, to deliberately put someone down, or to just intentionally inflict pain on someone. I’m no saint, I don’t have a spotless record, I have wronged many people in the past..but I just never understood the point of being purposefully mean. A few friends and I were discussing the power of social networking sites and how people have become more cocky in the past few years simply because they can hide behind their keyboards and remain anonymous. Twitter, Facebook, Blogs and Online Forums are great venues to promote social awareness, reconnect with people, and send positive messages..but some people also choose to use these social networking sites to fuel negativity, camouflage personal insecurities by attacking others, and basically bully the people they can never bully in real life. It’s an artificial power that makes you feel good for 5 minutes then it’s back to feeling rotten all over again. Being mean is only fun for a while but after it just brings even more hurt and emptiness deep down inside. Even something as simple as commenting on someone’s appearance, calling someone “fat” “panget” “jologs”, or judging someone’s personal life decisions..all these are forms of online bullying. We are all guilty of this.

You don’t have to be rich and famous, or a celebrity, or a political figure to be a victim of cyber bullying. It happens everyday and it happens to everyone. I’m nowhere close to famous, I’m virtually unknown, only a handful of people know my name..yet I have been a victim of people’s attacks online as well. A long time ago, I was bullied like never before by complete strangers. Sadly, unlike most celebrities who actually crave attention and believe that negative publicity is still good publicity..I was a very fragile, normal, law-abiding citizen..a weakazoid who wasn’t emotionally prepared for the unnecessary attacks from random folks. Buti sana kung astig ako, if I were thick-skinned and ready for anything..but nooooo, I was a wuss who felt sad that people made up lies about me πŸ™ It hurt a lot. Aguyyy.

Many of you know I had a long relationship in the past with a good, decent man. He was a public figure, so indirectly I was also forced into the spotlight because of this. It was a nice and comfortable union but we had different core beliefs which made our life plans oppose each other. I believed in marriage, family and God. He DIDN’T quite get it the same way I did. He was good to me in the many years we were together, but he chose to do something that hurt me deeply which made staying together no longer an option. (This is something I have chosen to forgive a long time ago). We both decided to part ways amicably and we remained friends. I dealt with the heartbreak in silence for months. I struggled to keep a semblance of normalcy in my life, I kept myself busy, I channeled all my energy into my work, I tried to focus on the positive rather than sulking on the negative. I prayed, prayed, and prayed desperately for healing. It was hard enough to wake up every morning to drive to work but to make matters worse, news finally broke and people started commenting and sharing their personal takes on MY relationship. A relationship they were never a part of, a relationship of two people they never even met.

Ang lakas ng loob ng mga tao humirit at gumawa ng mga kwento, para bang kilalang-kilala nila ako.. Talo pa nila yung nanay at tatay ko! Parang close kami! Ang nakakatawa, hindi naman ako sikat..kaya hindi ko alam kung matutuwa ba ako na pinag-uusapan ako o mapipikon na nakikialam sila sa buhay ko..Dapat ba magpasalamat ako? Thanks guys for wasting your net cafe credits on me! So touched guys!! Anobayantsong! Hahaha! Once I saw a series of tweets by random girls who were exchanging disrespectful messages about my personal life. Normally I would let these things slide, I figured it wasn’t worth my time and stress..but at the same time, I felt compelled to defend myself. So I did. But to find the words to answer back gracefully pagkatapos kang bastusin..hayyyy, talagang ipinagdasal ko talaga yung sarili ko. Napakahirap magpakumbaba sa mga sitwasyon na ganito kung saan lubos kang sinasaktan at inaapi ng mga taong di mo ka-ano ano at di mo naman kilala.

WHY did I choose to speak about this after a year of staying mum? Because a lot of people out there are victims of bullying too and it’s time to put an end to it. Here’s my movie line moment….”If I could convince just one bully to change his ways through this post…or just one victim to have a voice and speak up..then I would consider this endeavor a success!!!” *SLOW CLAP* But seriously, that’s the goal of this very personal post. If it means I have to be vulnerable and open up to all of you, then so be it!

I was not as confident before. I chose to brush it off because I thought that it would just die down like any little chismis. Besides, I was just so happy and giddy with a totally unexpected,new found love..that I forgot all about the negativity online. Sometimes God just takes you to a place of true joy and happiness, a place that shines so bright that it just makes all your past pains feel like a blur! Ok, sounds silly..kulang nalang rainbows and unicorns, but it’s true!!!! πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ Ano ba yan, I got side tracked by kilig..back to the moral of this post!

Today, I felt encouraged to finally address it in detail. I have been blessed by all my readers who visit this blog day in and day out, I owe it to all of you to make this a platform for positivity. Minsan puro jokes at kalokohan nalang sinusulat ko dito..siguro kailangan ko din magpaka-seryoso. So allow me to share some Manang tidbits of wisdom. Being MEAN is NOT cool, kids. It wasn’t cool then and it will never be cool in the future. Whoever said “Nice guys finish last” was MEAN. Nice guys don’t get the same things the MEAN dudes get, not because they were inferior but simply because nice people value different things, things that last a lifetime and provide true fulfillment while mean and shallow people focus their energy on futile and temporary joys. I may regret posting this someday..and some might just make fun of me for being overly-emotional and preachy. But I guess I just have to go with my gut feel and trust that my readers are sensible people with big hearts. Let’s challenge each other to practice more sensitivity and kindness, whether online or in our daily transactions at work, home, or school. As someone close to me once said “Imagine if we all practiced humility and that each person’s goal was to out-love the other..imagine what a wonderful world we would be living in.”Hey even Jesus, the main man, said it himself “Love one another.” It’s hard, but hey, it’s the only commandment that matters. So let’s make NICE, IN again!!! Ipapauso ko na! “Nice guys FINISH ice cream!” Hahahahaha, labo!!!:)

26 Responses to Let’s talk about it.

  1. Great post Ms. Patty! I can relate to this, sakto!
    I’ve been bullied before too, someone even created a Facebook account AND a fan page just to hate about me. Grabehan ang levels! Talagang nag-effort pa sila gumawa ng ganun para lang siraan ako. I reported it to Facebook admins, even had my friends to join in the reporting stage too. At the beginning I was panicking about it but I learned to brush it off, and it died a natural death because I didn’t give it attention like what the haters wanted. To this day I don’t know if it’s still there but I don’t care anymore. It’s all about moving forward and praying for people to see the light that bullying ain’t cool.

    Thank you Ms. Patty for being an inspiration πŸ™‚

  2. GOOD VIBES! πŸ™‚ always keep that smile and optimism in you. I’m so happy that you’re truly happy now. very nice blog post! that’s why i never skip a week or check you twitter for new posts because it’s always fun and it’s so inspiring to read your blog.

    -arianne

  3. Nice one ms. patty!
    I’ve only been mildly bullied as a kid although those kids who are still my friends until now had a lot of excuses for being mean. For those who already have a clear picture of what’s right and wrong however, it remains a mystery to me why they do it.
    I’m one of your followers and I follow other people as well and it’s really sad that there are people who make it their life mission to make others feel bad. I’ve heard someone say that haters are confused admirers, but it could also be that they do not realize that whatever they post online could be seen by many other people. It’s not right to gossip either, but to do it in a powerful venue like the internet just makes it worse.

  4. I was a bully once πŸ™ I would scare off anybody who would want to be friends with my friends or eat with my barkada. I was a silly, cliquish kid. But then I grew up and realized how much more fun it is to be around a lot of people. And now, I work in PR–where being cliquish is a no-no! πŸ™‚

    P.S. We (my friends and I) really adore(d) you and your previous partner. In fact, we were thinking we might be the girls you talked about in your blog. Haha. But I don’t exactly remember ever saying anything bad about your breakup. It was really sad, though. A year into everything, we realize we adore you still–as individuals and we will keep on supporting you even as you’ve both gone on separate ways πŸ™‚

  5. very very nice… i am mother of three… not famous and living an ordinary life… i chance upon one blog at talagang kumulo ang dugo ko… He seems to be enjoying fame by posting blind items and provoking readers to say nasty and unacceptable criticism… sadly, he is defending it and would not admit this is cyber bullying… ireally want to put a stop to this … san ba puedeng magsumbong

  6. LOVE YOU NA TLAGA ATE PATTY! πŸ™‚

    Idolatry is a sin, pero God knows how happy I am to accidentally see your blog. HAHA.

    Godbless you po! <3

  7. i admire your courage for stepping up against the bullies. Bullies will be bullies if you won’t show them you can fight back. i know the feeling of being bullied by people around a relationship. but as they say, bullies use their might cuz they are dumdums. i used to have so much angst against them. but i realized that you can’t totally blame them for the only fact that they don’t know the big picture and every detail of it. verytime i hear them talking against me, i just brush them away and tell them….wala kang alam, wag ka makialam. ( to myself only of course=) ) These bullies dont want your money or baon, they want something from you that they don’t have. they want to take a part of you and mess it up for you and drag you down so they can be better than you. don’t let them. be strong. it’s hard but i guess the saying should be “nice guys finish”. bullies and bad people can’t finish. with this blogpost u have somewhat decided to finish the issue. At the end of the day, it’s all about finishing the race of life on your own pace and beginning with the end in mind. dedma na sa bullies=)

    “BULLIE-mic” other man

  8. I was in the shadow of bullying nung mga early teenage life ko. Puno ako ng insecurities dahil dun.. 19 na ako ngayon.. πŸ™‚ thank God, he saves me. Kapag secure ka lang talaga kay Lord, kahit ano kakayin. <3

    (pahabol po.. dalang dala ako sa blog mo ate eh. haha)

  9. Nice post! It’s always interesting spilling your guts to the world, you never know how people will take it. Being vulnerable is not easy, it sort of goes against the grain of who we are. But its extremely valuable, and I get the feeling this was a therapeutic post to write.

  10. Hello Patty

    Great article! It feels great to stand up against a bully. Thanks for reminding people this. Nobody should be bullied for pure entertainment.

    Thanks Patty.

  11. nice post, Ms. Patty. pero what if yung bully, binully din ng iba and gusto nila gumanti? what would be the nice thing to do against these bullies imbes na mag-post sa mga social networking sites?

  12. Nakakarelate ako. but not with the bully thing but about having a relationship that you thought was for keeps. And then, after the storm here comes the “real guy” for you. Wow, kilig. Asawa ko na sya ngayon, and sorry na lang sa nagpaiyak sa kin. At times, pag biglang me nagpapaalala sa kin ng experience na yun, natatawa ako kasi para akong tanga. hahaha!

    I wish all happiness. I like you. I love reading blogs. And I just get across your site accidentally, at ngayon I follow your blogs na.

    Kidding aside,Di nga ko makarelate sa inyo ni Atom, sino ba sya? nag search lang ako ngayon sa google so alam ko na hahaha. Well, kasi Im not a fan of that idiot box called TV. and I dont like showbiz news. and Im not in the Philppines for years now. πŸ˜€

    GOD BLESS…

  13. Such a wonderful post, Patty!:) I was bullied during my highschool days. Although its a thing of the past now, I cant help but wonder why I allowed myself to be bullied before. Perhaps, I, too have my own set of insecurities that hindered me to embraced my individuality. Indeed, it takes enough courage to stand up for yourself against those who keep on pulling you down.

  14. Hello Patty! I was encouraged how you centered your life on God, and fought for your beliefs. We somewhat have the same ending of our love story, we parted ways because we did not have the same or at least complementary core values…may it be politics,religion or starting a family. Yes, we did remain friends. He has a family now.

    I do encourage you to read “The Relationship Principles of Jesus” by Tom Holladay. Its helping me develop a stronger relationship with God and the people we deal with everyday (i.e. bullies).

    Quoting Matthew 22:36-40:

    Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: Love your neighbor as yourself. All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

    All the best to you, Patty!

  15. Nice post Patty! That clear things up! Hope noone will bully you anymore.

    I guess, and i hope, that’s all they wanted to hear from you para tumigil na sila.

    No matter what they might still say, please take note that many of us here, your avid blog readers, are happy to know that you are loved and treated the way you should be. You deserve to live a happy and peaceful life.

    Thank you for posting this. You’re such an inspiration.

  16. Hi patty,

    you deserve to be happy πŸ™‚ and i’m glad that you’re still friends with Atom and i get so kilig pa din pag my communication kayo sa twitter. but as you said you found a new love and a great man too. so more blessings!

  17. Hi Patty!

    Thanks for your post! I’ve been bullied countless times! fake facebook accounts, fake multiply accounts, fake friendster accounts, fake everything pretending to beme, posting negative stuff etc. They really “ruined” me and my reputation. I couldn’t get out of my house. Di pa sila nakuntento, they keep on sending me hate emails! hayyy! to this day, hindi pa din nila ako tinitigilan!

    diyosko mga teh, college pa yan, mag thirty na kameng lahat, di pa din sila over sa mga adolescent angst nila!

    i just pray that your bullies and my bullies will finally find the love peace and happiness that they’re craving for para hindi na nila tayo kailangan i bully just to get 5-seconds of “happiness” sa pang-aapi nila

  18. Hello Patty! I remembered your blog post when I read this article: Ode to the nice guys (www.jagszone.com/other/ode_guy.html) πŸ™‚

  19. Hi Patty! Happy Vibes! I feel bad that i only read about this now. I went through the most horrific kind of bullying ever possible. I don’t know why such people exist. Back then cyberbullying wasnt recognized as a legitimate incident that nobody really cared what I was going through. I went to the NBI, people in media etc but to no avail. It felt at that time that i was going crazy. Then I prayed, like I’ve never prayed before in my life. And just like that it disappeared. I’d like to believe that those people already got what they deserved for putting me through such pain.

    I admire your patience, humility and faith; and for sharing your innermost thoughts on your bullies. May they rest in peace (together with my bullies). No pun intended.

  20. Back when you posted this entry, it never crossed my mind that the heartbreak that you mentioned here would actually happen to me. Fast-forward it to today, I just came from a break up with probably the same that you went through. You wouldn’t believe it but this entry is one of the things that help me cope up and keep myself from falling apart. I am re-reading your post and the Bible during those times that I am weakened by my human heart. Your being positive and your desire for healing and forgiveness are some of the things that I admire about you. Many have already told you that they admire your fashion sense, wit, and looks but let me tell you now that you are far beyond those things.

    It is really interesting how God works His miracles; it wasn’t an accident that you shared a bit of your life with the people you hardly know and it wasn’t not an accident that I found your blog, read this post and never forgot about it.

    I might not get the chance to meet you in person but still thank you for being the person that you are and being God’s instrument.

Instagram