Random Rambling #3789

Patrick and I have been dreaming about having children since our early stages of dating. Just like any couple in love, we fantasize about it incessantly and always pray about it each night. Patrick is such a doting and malambing tito. In fact, one of the things I noticed about him when we were first dating was that all his gadgets had photos of his nieces and nephews as screensavers. If other guys had sexy half naked girls or red hot Ferraris on their screens–he had cute babies and children! Even his BBM messenger profile pic was a photo of his  little niece. I found this very odd–but incredibly endearing. One million pogi points talaga!:)
But as our wedding day approaches and the reality of actually starting a family together is becoming something more tangible, a small part of me is a bit terrified to become a mother. The worrier in me has been plagued by many questions, “What if my children become disrespectful?” “What if my son becomes a spoiled brat?”. Every now and then, you hear of horror stories of rebellious and disrespectful children—I’m sure you’ve heard this over and over again from relatives or neighbors “Hay, napakabait pa naman ng mga magulang nyan..nakakahinayang.” 
Speaking of disappointing—as most of you know, I was completely heartbroken last week to discover that a young woman named Trina Dabandan completely plagiarized one of my blog entries. A concerned blog reader was kind enough to send me a link to the copied post and I was in complete shock to find out that she stole my words and  claimed it as her own. Of all the hundreds of posts in my blog, she chose to steal one of my most personal blog entries to date, Our Love story. At first I was furious–I felt robbed, I felt wronged. But I took a deep breath, said a prayer, and asked God to help me write the words with grace and forgiveness in my heart. ANG HIRAP!!! I sent her a personal email, giving her a chance to make the wrong right. I wrote, “I would like to believe that there is still some good in you left. And I’m a firm believer in second chances. I am giving you this opportunity to do the RIGHT THING. It won’t be easy and it will be a true test of your courage and convictions. It’s never too late to change for the better. We all make mistakes and there’s always a chance for us to redeem ourselves. This is your chance to be GOOD and HONEST person. I ask that you post a public apology on your blog. I urge you to promise to never plagiarize from me or any other person again. ” Perhaps it was naive of me to even attempt to reach out to her in that way, but I wanted to give her another chance to do the right thing just to be fair. Unfortunately, she rejected my offer and instead showed more defiance and disrespect towards me–even to the point of mocking me as a person and mocking my religious beliefs as well. She was brazen enough to gloat all over facebook and twitter, celebrating her new found “haters” as if it was a big victory to be despised by many. Apparently, this person has made victims out of several bloggers in the past which made me even more disappointed. Some people tweeted me the names of her parents and it got me thinking “Wow, this is someone’s daughter.” I don’t know these people personally, but I felt so much pain for the parents who deal with her bad behavior day in and day out. I was crushed beyond belief and I knew that it would be completely unjust to let this person get away with intellectual theft. I am currently dealing with it legally and I am happy to have the support of the blogging community and Nuffnang Philippines. 
This whole incident left me thinking about my own convictions and principles. I was forced to think  in retrospect about all the crossroads in my life wherein I was faced with very difficult choices. Some may argue that we are a product of circumstance, that there are things that are beyond your control and that you become this type of person because of the situation you are in. Although there is some truth to that, I also believe in FREE WILL. Whether you believe in a higher being or not, being human means having the capacity to make rational decisions and to take control of our actions. We have the capacity to weigh our options, measure pros and cons, and choose our life direction. It may be harder for others, with financial, social, and even physical factors up against them, but it CAN be done. 
This incident also allowed me to think about my own upbringing and made me feel even more thankful to have my parents. My parents were firm but loving, strict but thorough. You all know the importance of discipline so I won’t even explain that—what I would like to discuss is the importance of being THOROUGH with your children. If there’s one thing I would like to pass on to my children, it would be this. My parents were always very thorough with me and my sister as children. If we did something wrong, they would set us aside, give us a stern scolding, explain the mistake committed and the possible consequences we would face. I can imagine how tedious this must have been for them. For any parent it’s much easier to just say “Don’t do that!” or “Stop that!” and just walk away. But I’d like to believe my parents were more concerned about building our character and teaching us life lessons early on–and that’s why they took the time to talk to us about every little thing.
In the fifth grade, I completely idolized this sixth grader. She was the most beautiful girl in our church and I was her little sidekick. I would tail her around like a little duck, I wanted to be just like her. Then one day, she asked her friend “Can I overnight this bracelet?” (uso pa kasi ang pa-overnight noon) and her friend agreed. Later that afternoon, we went to a party and I witnessed her brag to all her other friends about the bracelet, concocting an elaborate story about how her father bought it in the States just for her. After that incident, I stopped being her sidekick. It wasn’t like some glorious epiphany that changed me–there was no burning bush with God’s voice echoing from the heavens–it was just me, being the daughter of my parents, knowing that what she was doing was wrong and knowing that I did not want to be that kind of person. My parents were brutally honest and never sugar coated anything for us, they were truthful and transparent with us from day one. Because of this, we understood how the world around us worked and how we were supposed to conduct ourselves decently. We didn’t have a perfect childhood, we also had our rebellious moments, but at the end of the day we always felt accountable for our actions, not only to our parents, but also to ourselves and to God–and this made us think twice about certain issues. I’m no goody-goody, I also have my bad days (trust me!) and still do things unpleasing in God’s eyes–but I always feel crappy afterwards and try to learn from my mistakes.
So lately I’ve been changing my prayer and making it more specific. If before I was so concerned about the superficial things–to have a child who’s cute and mabango (and funny just like mommy!!!), I now pray that I have children of CHARACTER. That God will bless me with offspring I can be proud of. My children don’t have to be super geniuses, super athletes, popular or even world renowned–of course having an achiever child will be a big bonus–but what is more important for me and Patrick is that we raise GOOD and HONEST people. People who will bless others by their lives, people who will serve God faithfully and whole heartedly, people who will make a positive impact on this earth. That to me, as a hopeful mother to be, is the ultimate prize. 
Just this morning, I stumbled across a FB post by Robi Joseph. Although I am not his close friend, I was very inspired by this very personal post. This moved me to tears and helped me understand God’s purpose  for parents. It’s too soon to tell if Patrick and I will ever be parents, although we want it desperately–we leave it all up to the Lord at this point. But if we do get the chance to become parents one day, I pray that Patrick and I will exhibit the same strength and grace of Robi and his wife. 

24 Responses to Random Rambling #3789

  1. In this Toddlers-and-Tiaras day and age, it’s very easy to forget what’s important in having and raising kids…
    Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this. Very refreshing. It made me think hard about our own plans for our future children… 🙂

  2. I LOVE THIS POST!!! <3 I always say that parenthood is actually a “cross a bridge when you get there” kind of thing. You can never be truly prepared for it. Especially when it comes to the early stages of raising your child – particularly the moment you give birth and the early nights, i don’t even know how to explain it. Haha! But I don’t think you should be worried about it, you have a great support system in the form of your family and friends, plus a positive outlook in life, awesome mom you’ll definitely gonna be! 🙂

  3. Being a “new mom” to 2 babies now, this post of yours really moved me..You and Pat will definitely be a great parent…

  4. Hi Miss Patty! I’m a huge fan of you and I’ve been reading your entries constantly. I admire you inside and out. You sure will be a good mother. No doubt about that. 🙂

    I felt sad knowing that somebody plagiarized one of your entries. I cried a bunch the first time I read about your love story and it’s not proper for somebody to just copy paste it. :((
    I admire you for forgiving that person. Keep up the positivity and may God bless you more and more 🙂

  5. This post is one of my favorites. It is like hearing an echo of my mom’s counsel “If you want to become a good mother someday, start preparing now.” With the principles that you have (which I somehow scratched the surface through your blog entries) I am positive that you will become a good mother someday! 🙂

  6. Ms. Patty, this post made me cry because of the reality it brings in. I am inspired of how you act and present yourself in spite of what happened. I can see a person who loves God dearly and asks for guidance in every thing that you do.
    You have showed humility and admire you for that.
    No doubt God blesses you more because of the goodness you have in your heart. Even though I am not a mother but I feel the post. Thanks for the sharing it with us.

  7. Hi Patty. I’ve been reading your blog for a long time and each of your entries are inspirational. I truly understand your sentiments and I think all first-time parents feel that way. It’s all about raising them well and I think you and your husband will do fine since you both had good upbringing as well. =)

  8. Hi Patty. I am a nobody. I am not the prettiest or the coolest girl around. I don’t even think I have something real big to get idolized by other people. I am just me.
    I too once became a victim of plagiarism. I don’t write blogs or anything serious like that. I just.. post random facebook statuses. Then I found out that someone’s copying and posting it on her profile like she own it! So yeah. I know the feeling. It was irritating.BTW I did the the same thing you did. First, I sent her a private message to just let her know that I am aware of what she is doing. I really thought she’d feel embarrased cause well we have mutual friends. BUT NO. Instead she blocked me and just continue doing the same thing. I DID not set my privacy to “Friends ONLY” (yet) . I sent her another message ( a rude one). She didnt respond. she posted something on her status saying that ” I am so jealous of her” So IDK.. she’s got a serious psychological prob maybe . So yeah. I realized shes not worth it and So I just set my privacy to only friends and deleted a lot of acquiantances on my acct…. limiting my profile to my closest friends… So from 400…it went down to 100 something friends.. creepy people. theyll never stop no matter what u tell them. theyre not worth it..

  9. Hi Patty.i have been reading your blog for quite a while,and I think this may be the first time I comment.I can symoathize with your situation,as a few years back,someone also copied a few entries in my blog,and posted it on their own multiply page.
    It upset me a lot,and also made me wonder why anyone would do that,given that I’m not a celebrity and my blog entries are really journal-type ones,hindi naman info-sharing which can be used for reports or articles.It’s just so strange to have someone “live” your life,don’t they have their own unique experiences to share?
    So I’m glad you’re taking action,and I hope the issue gets resolved

  10. Very inspiring and thought provoking post.

    I think both you and I has the same concerns on raising a good child…I know we could do this.

    As for the plagiarizer good thing you’re taking legal action…serves her right…


  11. Hey Patty! Thanks for passing the message. Seriously, I never expected my little post to touch people the way it did. It was just a very simple and sincere emotional outpouring. But I’m glad it moved you and those who read your blogs. Two of your readers messaged me earlier in fact. Great blog site by the way! And I’m sure you’re going to be a great mom. If you can say with conviction that you were raised well, then you most probably were. I feel the same way about my own parents. They knew how to love their children and I’m simply passing on those teachings to my own. Oh and just so you know, baby Russell is already defying the odds! He’s even surprised his doctors with his strength and responsiveness, something uncharacteristic of babies with down syndrome who tend to be a little “floppy”. Good signs all around. And he’s finally coming home tomorrow after his 2-week stint in Makati Med. We’re so excited!

  12. This got me thinking ate Patty! Volunteering in the youth ministry gives me a stark reality of how difficult parenting can be. Thanks for this encouraging post. Jc and I will be praying for you guys, you’ll be amazing parents!

  13. Hi Patty! I just want to share a prayer for you. Whatever you are going through, I hope this one will help ease the pain: “For I will be merciful and gracious toward their sins and I will remember their deeds of unrighteousness no more.”
    Hebrews 8: 12 God bless you 🙂 I love your blog and you inspire me 🙂

  14. I have the same prayer like yours, to become a good parent and to be blessed with good children. I;m claiming it as early as now. Very touching blog post, I got teary-eyed.

  15. pinaiyak mo ulit ako Ms. Patty. instrument talaga ni God tong blog mo para maipaintindi sa amin ang mga bagay bagay. sa bait mong yan at ng mga tao sa paligid mo alam ko na mapapalaki mong mabuti ang mga magiging anak ninyo ni Mr. Patrick. teenager pa lang po ako at wala pang alam at balak mag pamilya pero gusto ko lang po magbigay ng tip sa inyo. (sharing is caring di ba?hehe) sa naoobserve k po eh tingin ko masabuti na may foundation na ang character ng tao habang bata pa lang.para throughout ng paglaki niya ay guided na siya. at preparation na din. po siguro yung pagtuturo niyo sa mga bata at teens ngayon sa school, in that way nagkaka idea po kayo sa mga traits ng kabataan ngayon. God bless you and your future family Ms. patty!

    and to Mr. Robi Joseph, Congrats po! i hope patuloy ang pagbuti ng baby niyo po. 🙂
    -Bea 🙂

  16. hi ms patty 🙂 this will serve as my first comment on your blog. I just recently had read and know about it thru twitter page when i was about to visit an acct who plagiarized your story.i was stunned!i never thought she was only copying and pasting those blogpost she did!i thought shes really brilliant by even writing a heart melting ones.so upsetting its not hers pala.i knew as well from d very beginning that the girl has an attitude problem.i wont brag what its all about because its too personal.basta she’s really a kind of person you can’t fully trust.and shes too flying proud of herself to even say sorry. Shes definitely no you.
    You are a blessed and fortunate woman to have things go your way but that doesnt made you a self absorbed kind one.you’re too humble and kind and smart..your writings and the way you perceive life is very inspiring. I know you will be a good mom and wife someday 🙂 keep it up

  17. Comment ko sa nag-plagiarize ng blog post mo: Nato-tolerate ko pa yung nagsusulat ng Inggles kahit may grammatical error. Actually cute nga yun. At least kahit wrong grammar, he/she still shares his/her own ideas. Hindi tulad ng plagiarizer mo. I don’t want to be mean pero I think those kind of people just want to impress and pretend to be smarter than they are. That’s why they plagiarize. So kahit na you receive hate messages or criticism from your plagiarizer, it’s obvious that she’s a fan of yours. Idol ka nya kaya kinopya nya work mo.

  18. I understand your worrying, I am also like that. But the thing I worry the most is “what if I can’t have a baby?”. I know a LOT of people (some are even living a healthy lifestyle) who are diagnosed with unexplained infertility. In our office alone, I have about five officemates who are still childless after being married for 2+ and above years. I don’t mean to scare you but I just want to vent out my paranoia. I guess as early as now (we’re getting married next year), I will have to get in touch with a gyne and talk this over just so I can have a peace of mind.

  19. I was very moved by your friend’s post in Fb about having a child with down syndrome. I am a Special Education teacher, and I am really glad to know that he accepted his child’s condition wholeheartedly,and he’s proud of it. His son is truly a blessing from God. 🙂 Im glad that such kind of parents still exist in this world 🙂 Im about to cry haha :))