This word perfectly describes my life right now. I grabbed this image from the DesignLoveFest site and it’s been my inspiration for weeks! I can’t believe it’s already December. I barely felt November and I can vaguely remember what happened to me in October. But when I look back at the pages in my planner, it’s as if I was living multiple lives all at once! Sometimes, I feel so embarrassed to even whip out my planner because it’s pure chaos. I was so busy and doing so many things simultaneously that people were already concerned about my health. I was already getting emails and texts from random friends and even clients telling me to “take it easy” and “slow down”. I remember there was one week that I was just floating and operating on auto pilot out of exhaustion. One day, I was working on the technical aspects of my new blog and packing goodie bags/planning logistics for the blog launch, the following day I was up at 4am on a flight to Tacloban with a super jam-packed schedule to visit different Haiyan sites in the region, then the next day more volunteer work and ended with us being stranded in the airport, then the next day I was in my heels hosting a glamorous event, plus all the emails I’ve had to work on in between and so on, and so on. I don’t know if I managed to even eat properly because I was just buzzing around like a zombie! My golly, just describing it entails a run-on sentence with a ton of grammatical errors—ganun siya kagulo!!! But I loved doing each and every thing on my list that week and although I was tired, I was actually happy. Weird? HAHAHAHA! If I have a busy schedule, my husband Patrick has an even more chaotic work life! He has longer hours and has more people under him so he works three times harder than me and I don’t know how he physically and emotionally hacks it! He has 2 companies under his belt and I think he is planning to put up 2 more this 2015. Nyerksss! That’s why I have to just give him his playstation time and let him be, the poor guy is always overworked and that’s his only happiness. Hahaha!
I guess I’ve been working all my life that the only life I know how to live is a busy and productive one, it’s never been about earning a ton of money but really more about doing something new each day and doing my part as an able-bodied person to contribute to society. I’ve always admired hard workers, people who work with excellence, integrity and JOY even if the work that they do is not always “fun”, or “easy” or “aligned to my passions”. Yes, of course I feel blessed to be able to do work that I love and work that I believe in, but there are days when I have to do work that doesn’t necessarily fall under the “follow your happiness” category and to me that kind of work although more challenging, when done well proves how noble one can be. When you still deliver great results even if the motivation behind it is not as enticing, that shows a lot about your character. The goal is to do good and honest work because YOU are a good and honest worker regardless of the situation, compensation or recognition.
I had a whole day photo shoot yesterday and I was completely spent by the time I got home. My inbox was overflowing with emails, but my brain was too low batt to function. I was too exhausted to cook myself a healthy meal, I ended up ordering pizza for dinner. I’m sure most of you go through long work days like this too and can relate. My body was aching, my brain was fried but oddly enough, I actually felt really LUCKY. As in pang hashtag #Blessed. Hehehe, annoying but true. I was grateful for 1) The validation of being valuable, useful, skilled, able 2) An eventful day (though tiring) that I could talk about with my husband at bedtime 3) New opinions and views formed because of my 24 hour experiences, my transactions and engagements 4) That I have a body that functions well and allows me to do what I need to do, and the fatigue and exhaustion are proof of that 5) That today was not all about ME but it was about collaborating, working with others, contributing to something beyond yourself. I don’t know if I’m making sense or if this is just me super tired and drained just trying to make sense of it all. Hahaha. Pagbigyan niyo nalang ako.
So there, I’m OKAY with busy. In fact, I celebrate BUSY. But I do know that there has to be a limit. I have to make a conscious decision to slow down too as I don’t want to wear my mind and body out. I know I’m a hard worker and a stress survivor, but I also have to be kind to my body. It won’t hurt to take it down a notch. I don’t know how that will look given my way of life and work and IF I’ll actually come to terms with it, but I guess it’s time for me to just trust the Lord and let him take control of my pace and my decisions. I also want to be more purposeful in allotting my time wisely for work, cultivating relationships, and of course improving my own skills and talents so I can be of better use to others and the LORD too. I want to be able to not have my phone glued to my right hand even for just 30 minutes a day! Is that even possible?!!? Hahaha! Oh well, I guess I’ll have to figure it out. I hope I find a balanced way of HUSTLING through this BUSTLING life of mine! Kaya yan!